Love and Melody

You and me, we are like a heartfelt song
The lyrics is me and you're the melody
Don't you feel to me is where you belong?
Aren't we just a simple perfect harmony?

But like any song we may run out of tune,

A Heart's Fervent Love

Imagine the clear blue skies during spring,
That’s the beautiful bliss to me, you bring
The leaves that drop when it’s time of fall,
That’s how I saw your eyes, whenever I recall
Have you heard the calm sound of rushing stream?
That much serenity is you just like it’s a dream.
The hot color of blood in deep intense red,
That’s my love for you that I haven’t uttered

My eyes, you haven’t stared in my eyes have you?
The bliss, sadness, calm, love lie in there anew…
Yes, everyday my fervent love for you is reborn
And my fierce heart waits even if at the end it’ll be torn.

-Jackie Perfinan

confession of fear

Beginning to write this took me so much courage. We were strangers weren't we?
Okay I am scared. Very scared actually. My heart has been tired for trying and failing. So many times. You came in my life when I was so weary, so exhausted. And yes I am so afraid. One day you arrived. I was just planning to say hello. I was planning to let you see just how you saw me the first time. There was no plans for me to stay. But you, you pacified me. You make me understand so much things without you speaking. From planning to walk out of the door after saying hello I decided to stay to be your friend. For you to be my friend. But you, you saw my shades and colors. You understood me like no one has ever done. You talked to my very sad soul. I got so scared. I am so scared. You are just so "perfect" for me. You were everything in my mind. Why? Why does it have to be you? And I am so scared to gamble. Not after my heart being broken so many times. Not when my issues on trust have been stained. Not now that I am not even sure what I am to you. You bring me so much happiness, a kind of happiness that I have never felt. It is such a peaceful happiness that it scares me so much. You always know the right words to say. You hold my heart in a way that it brings me to a peaceful place. It is you. You are the first person that I have ever met that put me in this peaceful place. In a right place. But me. I am so flawed. You. I see no flaw in you. When I finally "saw" you, I got so scared again because you were someone I was afraid to lose. But again who am I to you? I am afraid to try now. I am afraid to put my heart in danger again. No, I am walking away before my heart breaks again. You found me and I cannot take the chance. I don't know who I am to you. No. I am not ready to hear who I am to you.

And I have to walk away now. I need to protect my once bruised heart. In my own perfect world I knew I wanted you to be the one. I was willing to gamble but I got scared of who I was to you. Who I am to you. I am afraid. And I don't know what to do.

I see no flaw in you. I am so flawed. And I know I was in love with you when I could not look you in the eyes. I was afraid because I know my eyes will speak and will never lie to you. And now I need to walk away. My fear tells me to walk away. Thank you for bringing me to that peaceful place in so much bliss.

Himig

Paano mo nga ipapaliwanag ang ligaya kung ang kasabay nito ay takot?

Paano ba bigkasin ang mga salita kung ito’y minsan ng nagdala ng kirot?

Maaari nga bang lumuha at masaktan dahil sa labis na hatid mong saya?

Sumanib sa akin ang kalagayan at ganap sa isang perya

Halakhak ng damdamin umaagos hanggang sa aking isipan

Sumisipol ng bagong tugtugin at kay gandang musika

Yan ang iyong dulot sa aking pagkatao at buong kalooban

Ang lahat ay tila isang musikero na gustong may ipadinig,

Inaaral na matutunang tumugtog ng kanyang guitara

Nangangapa, sumasabay sa kung saan dalhin ng himig

Yan ay damdamin na tila hindi ko ma-awit sayo ng tama

Ako baga ay parang musmos na sugatan ang tuhod

At ikaw ay bagong kalaro na handang magpasaya dito

Bagamat hindi handa ang puso kong lagi nalang natitisod

Sa labis na ligaya at ngiti na dulot mo, naghihilom muli ito

Ngunit, paano mo ipapaliwanag ang ligaya kung ang kasabay nito ay takot?

Paano ba bigkasin ang mga salita kung ito’y minsan ng nagdala ng kirot?

Maaari nga bang lumuha at masaktan dahil sa labis na hatid mong saya?

Kung ako’y maging handa para sayo, ibibigay mo ba ng buo ang puso mo?

-Jackie Perfinan

Painful Bliss

you were bound to convey pleasure and pain,
she was ready to accept them as if to sustain
her heart with the prowess to endure and bear
the heart that bleeds and relentless to tear

you screamed passion for someone else's name
she chose to watch you hum a heartfelt hymn.
she blames you not since it was clear and plain
and her love is as solemn as the sound of rain

you were like a drug, a heroin; she was the user
she was drawn to cease, to let go and surrender
hence tried to withdraw, to forget, mostly grief
but her bliss is you, so she returns with relief

her love for you is like an ancient rocking chair
she moves, she cradles, yet it brings her nowhere
worst! it breaks, it collapses together with her
that may wound her soul and it will scar forever

then one night, that fateful hour, she broke down
dragged her stabbing pained self! this ruined one!
if you knew her, know she owned undying strengths 
She's a pearly white formica; hard rock, she stands

tonight, her feelings for you still pours so freely,
however, her finger touches that love with finality
she'll remember you always like her favorite summer
her suffering ends here but your memory will linger

she has loved you, it was eternal
yet she was wounded, she is a mortal

- jackie perfinan

Palaisipan

Bakit?

Bakit mas madalas na walang kasagutan sa mga tanong?
Ako ay manghuhula na lamang ba pagkat hindi na makapaghintay?
Bakit tila mas madaling sabihin ang mahal kita ngunit mahirap panatiliin?
Hindi gaya ng pagpapaalam na kay hirap bigkasin ngunit kay dali naman gawin...
Bakit nga ba likas sa atin na mas mabilis tayo ay mang-husga? 
Ngunit kay bagal ng pag usad ng pag-tanggap at pag-unawa?

Marahil bago pa man dumating ang mga kasagutan...
Ang lahat ng ito ay labis ko ng naintindihan...

Minsan...

Minsan ako ay sa hangi'y kumapit...
Nagpa-agos sa haplos ng araw sa tag-init...
Sumayaw sa ilalim ng bituin at kabilugan ng buwan...
Natulog habang bumubuhos sakin ang ulan...

Malamang kung ikaw ay nagbabasa nito ikaw ay naguluhan...
Magaling! Pagkat ako ay iyong naintindihan!

-jackie perfinan

Lavender, Rose, Lily and Her Heart

She had waved farewell, turned her back and drifted away,

From an island of lavender fields and torching addicting weeds

Yes, with blazing beliefs that this is not to lead her astray

The tormenting rush of blood through her veins of veins!    

She screams in mighty and fervent tears of freedom and glee

Touching a land of peaceful chaos, a land of roses where she lay

It allowed her to stay quite longer, thorns pricked her inner skins

“Unconfined, bluntly”- she thought of those pricks on her as fey

Alas! she dreamt of the scent of lavender in the islands and weeds

Gathered her oars, left the roses and rowed back to frightful agony

As she stroked to rough warm waters, a modest lily caught her way

The lily emulated, echoed her being, her voice, and all of her needs

She swore she would row from night ‘til day if the lily would stay

Before dawn a harsh truth snapped, the lily belonged to someone else

Short lived it was named, she painted it in oil as if it was not to flee

In the rise of the red moon, on the lavender field she ran and lay

The sweet scent lulled her, dragged her, pulling her to deep dreams

Dreams turned to delicious nightmares, found herself in a sad bay

She watched her soul roll in lavenders and roses and addicting weeds!

Bleeding, wounded, bruised, the rage and the scars she’d hated to see!

The oars all wrecked, her spirit drenched, her soul almost lost!

Her heart. It was broken. Her heart was still beating yet bleeding....

-jackie perfinan