THIS FORCE CALLED LOVE

• I am afraid of this feeling,
  Which I have been ignoring…
  A great force I resist and try not to uphold, 
  not only once but a thousand fold
  Each thought of you, sinks into me,
  every time I feel how strong this force could be
  I gotta move and I just know that I should
  It’s an unstoppable force…
  And it bewilders me or makes me confused,
  Though I know the direction, still I am lost
  I get lost and drown in your ways…
  When we talk, I pretend and hide what’s inside
  I step back and try to turn around,
  But each time I do, it draws me back to you.
  And so I close my eyes and put a facade,
  but this energy, this unstoppable force,
  it brings a kaleidoscope of you in my mind,
  every color, every angle, every shape,
  every twist and every turn and every move,
  there is nothing I see, nothing at all but you
  Please, I don’t want to name it and ratify,
  I don’t want to define or search more of it,
  My inner strength battles with this force,
  But it loses, I lose, I surrender, but I escape…
  Then I get captured in your fortress and I collapse,
  in a dream and fantasy that I slip away from
  An imaginary cloud lifts me up so high…
  It floats me to a different height and then I falter,
  For it brings me back closer to you,
  This force pushes me more and towards to you,
  It pushes me and I struggle to pull back,
  It’s a tug o’ war of my sanity and emotion,
  A fist fight of my desire and what is right
  And the manifestation of all these are my tears…
  Tears of fear, tears for someone that I can never keep.
  It’s a gamble and the prize overwhelms me,
  For in my life, I can either lose or keep you,
  Though I would still prefer the latter,
  The former may keep me alive, but leave me lifeless…
  It is a strong force and it scares me,
  A silent force that keeps me going closer…
  I don’t blame you; you are not at fault,
  Since your existence in my world and my life,
  was once a reason and a cause, why I survived the misery.
  This strong force is like a midnight song,
  Beautiful yet its sound is like a distant sad melody;
  Impossible to be heard, impossible to be understood.
  So, if I face you, If I declare and confess the truth,
  would you understand me, what I’d say and still stay?
  Or would you think I’m queer and it’s wrong or bizarre,
  and decide to elude or leave me and walk away?

  This is an unstoppable force; it brings me to you,
  It is a strong force, it made me fall for you…
  The same strong force that may lead to losing you.

  - j.perfinan