confession of fear

Beginning to write this took me so much courage. We were strangers weren't we?
Okay I am scared. Very scared actually. My heart has been tired for trying and failing. So many times. You came in my life when I was so weary, so exhausted. And yes I am so afraid. One day you arrived. I was just planning to say hello. I was planning to let you see just how you saw me the first time. There was no plans for me to stay. But you, you pacified me. You make me understand so much things without you speaking. From planning to walk out of the door after saying hello I decided to stay to be your friend. For you to be my friend. But you, you saw my shades and colors. You understood me like no one has ever done. You talked to my very sad soul. I got so scared. I am so scared. You are just so "perfect" for me. You were everything in my mind. Why? Why does it have to be you? And I am so scared to gamble. Not after my heart being broken so many times. Not when my issues on trust have been stained. Not now that I am not even sure what I am to you. You bring me so much happiness, a kind of happiness that I have never felt. It is such a peaceful happiness that it scares me so much. You always know the right words to say. You hold my heart in a way that it brings me to a peaceful place. It is you. You are the first person that I have ever met that put me in this peaceful place. In a right place. But me. I am so flawed. You. I see no flaw in you. When I finally "saw" you, I got so scared again because you were someone I was afraid to lose. But again who am I to you? I am afraid to try now. I am afraid to put my heart in danger again. No, I am walking away before my heart breaks again. You found me and I cannot take the chance. I don't know who I am to you. No. I am not ready to hear who I am to you.

And I have to walk away now. I need to protect my once bruised heart. In my own perfect world I knew I wanted you to be the one. I was willing to gamble but I got scared of who I was to you. Who I am to you. I am afraid. And I don't know what to do.

I see no flaw in you. I am so flawed. And I know I was in love with you when I could not look you in the eyes. I was afraid because I know my eyes will speak and will never lie to you. And now I need to walk away. My fear tells me to walk away. Thank you for bringing me to that peaceful place in so much bliss.